Ok. So I am not a vain person. I look in the mirror maybe two or three times a day. I haven't been feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world lately, but it's probably because I am pregnant. But I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the ladies room and O. M. G.

What has happened to me! My hair is frazzled. My face is lifeless and dull. My skin is pasty and splotchy. Why don't I care? It seems like I am in limbo and I am waiting for this pregnancy to be over with so I can metamorphose into the woman I am supposed to be. My mom is a beautiful woman and always has been. She was always the pretty mom. I know I am capable of being pretty, but I did not know I was capable of being this... disheveled? I am not sure that's a word. I guess this does sound pretty vain. But seriously people, if you saw me today and knew that I actually spent time on myself (only about 5 minutes, but still) you would say, "bless her heart. She's just hanging in there."

It makes me wonder what my coworkers are thinking. My boss. Then I realize that I have professed to not caring what other people think about me. And that people probably have way more on their mind than wondering when I am going to get my roots done or if I have ever heard of a product called "mascara."

So now, is it about me caring about what other people think or is it about what I think of myself? Or is it about what I grew up with and the expectation of what I think a young mother should look like? Bottom line is, I am not totally sad or wrapped up in my looks, I just don't want to NOT recognize myself in the mirror anymore. Sheesh.